


Coming Home

by Fangirlforever



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: 1d, Break Up, Cancer, Endgame Larry, Friday Updates, Leaving and then coming back, M/M, Moving On, but he's not in it much, consistent updates, harry - Freeform, larry - Freeform, larry stylinson - Freeform, liams the friend, louis - Freeform, niall is a therapist, oh yeah, one direction - Freeform, recovering, regular updates, returning, sick, zarry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-08
Updated: 2017-07-14
Packaged: 2018-11-11 08:56:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 10,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11145117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirlforever/pseuds/Fangirlforever
Summary: "You asshole! You absolute asshole!" Shoes were hitting me at an alarming rate at this point and everyone just looked on. The bad thing about small towns: they're always looking for drama and good gossip. Swat as I may the shoes keep coming and they all hit me. "You shouldn't be here, you should've never come back!""Harry!" Zayn tries to hold his throwing arm back, at least someone has some sense, but Harry just shoves him off and keeps grabbing shoes to throw at me.I know, so many questions. Let me answer some. Shoes? Yes, a whole shoe store worth really. Harry? Yeah... maybe I should just start from the beginning.--Louis leaves everything he's ever known for six years, now he's back but everything is different. What happens when the reason he came home doesn't want anything to do with him?Updates Every Friday





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This will be updated every Friday and is also on Wattpad! My account on there is Larents4Life remember to give kudos if you like it! Also feel free to leave suggestions or anything I can work on. No promises it happened but, as this is ongoing, I'll take it into consideration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be updated every Friday and is also on Wattpad! My account on there is Larents4Life remember to give kudos if you like it! Most chapters will be 900-2000 words. Also feel free to leave suggestions or anything I can work on. No promises it happened but, as this is ongoing, I'll take it into consideration.

I step off the bus, the trees whispering all around me like they're excited for my return. I too am excited for my return, but mostly nauseous. I walk down the oh so familiar road that goes through Holmes Chapel. I keep telling myself I'll be okay, but with every step I doubt it a little bit more. The thing is, six years is quite a bit of time, yeah? And spending all that time in London, away from everything I ever knew, that's different. It's hard being here again, it's almost scary, but when I think of why I came back, what I'm coming back to, it fuels another ten steps. So I keep thinking about it. 

As I pass buildings, I compare them to my memory, see how they've changed or wonder what's changed on the inside. I see people start walking past me as I get closer to the center of town, a small cluster of communal buildings four of which sell food (two of those with a bar) and a couple other buildings for shopping thrown next to the town hall. In between all of that a church, its bell ringing to signify noon.

I stop on the sidewalk as people leave 11:00 mass. People spill out, people I know, and I know soon a familiar face I haven't seen in six years will come out, but I'm not sure what emotion that face will wear. When I see her I stop breathing, my lungs just halt in fear of what is to come. She won't look over to me, I know if she does scan the streets she probably won't notice a 27 year old man standing on a street corner. Except, she does. She looks around, but her head stops turning when her eyes meet my body. I pull my suitcase, the only thing I took with me when I left, a little bit closer to me and almost try to hide myself in my hoodie. We stand there for what seems like five minutes in the nippy fall wind, in reality it's only about 30 seconds.  
With my throat tight and my eyes watering a bit my mouth forms around a word I haven't said in years, "Mum." My eyes burn as she starts to walk toward me, getting faster the farther she gets, until I'm being hugged so tight I can't breathe. 

"Louis," she breathes. I feel her shake in my arms and her tears soak my shirt, but God, none of that matters right now. All too soon it ends and I feel a hard slap to my arm before yelling. "Where were you? How could you do this? It's been six years, Louis!" She screams while wiping her eyes, her voice cracks, in that moment it's everything I have not to break down. I'm not holding back my tears anymore, but I'll be damned if I break down and say everything in the middle of town. Already the small crowd, the usual 12 people that go to 11:00 mass, is looking at me. 

"Please can we not discuss this here?" I know that it's just about time for everyone to start walking around town, soon there'll be more people. When I really look I notice that a woman, all too familiar, is walking to stand next to my mom. I look down at my feet as she comes to a stop. 

"Anne," I hear my mom say, voice still strained, "I- I um- well I'll obviously have to skip out on the lunch out. You'll be sure to tell everyone I'm sorry?" I can tell she doesn't really know what to say, but who would in this situation?

"Of course Jay," but then in a quieter voice, "but what do I say to-?" She leaves the question open. We all know what name goes there. 

"Don't say anything, please?" I speak up finally. I'm not sure if it's welcome, but I know where this is going, and I need to be the one telling everyone I'm back. Anne, though turns her eyes to me and glares.

"Do you really think you get a say in that?" she spits at me. The wind has gotten sharper, colder, it bites my face as I look down. No, I think, I don't. Mum puts her hand on Anne's shoulder and they exchange looks. I here the trees whispering still, but louder, and now I feel like they aren't so welcoming. Anne sighs before speaking again, "I won't, but you understand he's bound to hear right? Not that it matters because I'd rather you not talk to him at all anyway." 

"Anne," tears are definitely streaming down my face now, "I won't- I can't stay away from him. You know I can't do that. I'll tell him and I- I'm here to stay. I will, I-" I cut myself off from finishing that sentence. I hope, I was about to say. I can't let them doubt me though. I'm here as long as I can be, which I hope is forever. The look Jay gives me is angry, but has happiness and sympathy in it too. Anne has the same look but without happiness and I'm left to wonder: what happened while I was gone? 

"Louis, I'd really just rather you stay away. You two should be going soon, lunch is at 1:00." She turns on her heal wand walks toward her house, a path that fills me with memories and they hurt. I look back to my mom only to see she's walking back to her house as well, luckily we live closer to the center of town than Anne. I walk behind her, my tears still falling as I pull my suitcase and wrap my other arm around my middle. I feel like I'm hiding in my sweatshirt, and maybe I am.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know this is an extra chapter but up until chapter five I'm going to be updating rapid fire. Here you go!

"What happened?" Mum asked as soon as we were both through the door. It was an empty nest now that Lottie, Fizzy and I have gone. The house is quiet, I assume Dan is at work. The routine I know by heart seems so foreign to me now, but I cant forget it - could never forget it.

"I just- I had to leave for a while." I sigh, rubbing my arm with the opposite hand as I walk around a little to see if there are any new pictures. There are. I see pictures of my family and Harry's family together from after I left. There are pictures of what looks like a wedding, an alter in the background while Lottie poses with Gemma. I wonder if Gemma got married, or if I missed my own sisters wedding. That thought terrifies me. What else have I missed? 

"Six years. You left for six years and you won't even give your own mother a reason?" She all but falls on the couch as she cries and looks to me for answers, answers I'm not ready to give yet. I shake my head and sit down putting my arm around her. I lean my head on her shoulder and hug her, six years without a mum there hurt, but having her with me would have been worse. 

"Eventually I'll tell you, but..." I sigh looking around for a second trying to find the words. "I'm still- I'm getting used to it still, what happened when I was gone. I'm not- it fucked me up, but I'm going to be okay. I just need time." Time, the one thing I always feel like I'm running out of, always running out of time. When I look at her, she looks sadder, I'm sure with how vague I was she's trying to put the puzzle together. By her look I can tell she's thinking about all of the bad scenarios her son could get into, but none of them are right. 

"But you're okay now?" she asks, searching my eyes for anything that could say I'm not.

"For the most part. I'm getting better. I'll be better when I see Harry again," I breathe out. The one thing that kept me from going crazy while I was away was the thought, the hope that I might see him again. The thing is, though, my mum looks weird now. Like something I said didn't fit. I tilt my head sending her a questioning glance, all I get in return is a obviously plastered on smile.

"Why don't we watch something, Boo? It's been so long." She looks genuine now, but something's still not exactly right in her eyes. I nod and lean back into the cushions as she picks a show. An hour of Britains Got Talent later, Mum's asleep. I would be exhausted too if my runaway son came back after six years only to tell me nothing. If there's one thing I've learned while I was gone, it's that nothing heals stress like sleeping. 

I get off the couch slowly, stretching I look at the time. 1:26. I know whoever Mum was going to have lunch with are still out, and I also know that Harry is one of them. I exit the house quietly locking the door behind me. I'm sure Mum will let me in later. I walk the short distance to the restaurants and pubs we have. I'll have to look through the window to see which one has who I'm looking for, but it'll be worth it. 

Finally when I find Anne, sitting at a large table in Shelby's, I make quick work of finding the boy I know she's with. My heart is going crazy and my stomach is doing flips. It feels like high school all over again. I find him, but he's not facing me, sadly his seat is facing the opposite direction. I realize then that anyone on the other side, Lottie, Dan, or Fizzy, could easily spot me. Anne could too, but she'd have to turn deliberately toward the window as she's on the end of a table. Next to her I know is Robin, and then Harry, but there's a newcomer. 

For once, there is someone I don't recognize in this town. Well two people I don't know if I count the child sitting next to Harry who's talking animatedly to this stranger. This man looks maybe around Harry's age with black hair and some tattoos on his arms. We didn't have a tattoo parlor here so I assume he's not from here and that's why I don't know him. And I don't really care to, until I'm about to walk into the place, about to storm in and tell Harry I'm back, when stranger leans over the child to kiss Harry on the lips. 

I can't breathe for a little while, but when I do get a breathe in it's pushed right back out and I have no time to even think before Lottie spots me and her eyes go wide. To be fair I'm pretty sure I look just as, if not more than, shocked as her. I don't really know what I'm doing, but my feet have a mind of their own as I run, I run right back to where my mum is because, though I thought I was strong before, I have never felt weaker. 

I banged on the door knowing that I locked it. I heard running before the door opened, when she looked into my eyes I could tell she already knew what happened. She just shushed me as she held me tight on the door step. We rocked slightly side to side as I sobbed into her shoulder. The trees around us were almost yelling now, and I heard what they said: "You lost him."


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another rapid fire update!

"Lou, everyone wants to see you," my mum tells me through the crack she opened in my door. Being back in my old bedroom brings back memories that haunted me while I was away. After I came home crying, Mum led me here and I've been laying down crying since. I did, at one point, call my therapist to talk over what just happened. Usually he helps, this time he didn't. 

"I can't face them. I can't." I'm still crying, but my breathing has calmed a little. I can't look at her so I'm facing away from my door, looking out the window. The trees are still moving with the wind, still shaking. I feel like the trees. 

I hear her sigh before saying, "It's just your sisters and Dan. Please, they just miss you. I told them not to bring up anything else." The way she says "else" I can tell she's just trying to say, "They won't talk about how much you fucked up." I sigh getting out of bed, I'm sure I look terrible. Tears stain my cheeks and my hair sticks up everywhere, I feel like I just fell into a ditch. I walk slowly, following her down the rugged stairs and holding tight to the rail so I don't fall. 

We walk through the doorway to the living space after getting to the bottom of the stairs. When I walk in I look down so I don't have to see their faces. Knowing everything will be different, that my sisters have grown so much, it hurts. I see feet walking toward me and I finally look up. Staring right into my eyes is Lottie, and she looks so much older. She's crying too when she hugs me so we're both soaking each other's shirts with tears. Someone else joins and when I look it's Fizzy. "I'm sorry," I whisper to them, "I'm so sorry." 

***

Everything is nearly back to normal for us by the time dinner is done. We're laughing again and joking around, everyone stepping around the elephant in the room. It's almost like I didn't pick up and leave my family, but I know I did and I can't change that. 

Right now we are cleaning up dinner and it feels great to be home. Well, as close to home as I'll be. "No I swear she's crazy!" Right now Lottie is catching me up on some of the drama that went through our small town while I was gone. She and Fizzy go to Uni about an hour away, but they, unlike me, were always in touch and visiting. "She drank four of 'em in a row!" Of course it's all funny and light hearted. 

"I can imagine, Beth was always a party animal. Not even old age can stop her," I reply. We all chuckle and before I can really think, I'm asking something I probably shouldn't, "So who was that with Harry this afternoon?" 

Silent.

I play with my fingers and look around at everyone while they all avoid my eyes. I know what's coming, or so I think, because when I hear the word husband whispered out, my jaw drops. Husband. Harry Edward Styles- well no, that wouldn't be his name anymore would it?- Harry Edward Whatever-His-Name-Is is married now, and it's not to me.   
Suddenly I'm reminded of six years ago, before I even knew I had to go, cuddled up right next to Harry watching X-Files online. He was complaining about how the show wasn't living up to expectations and I- I was nodding along holding in chuckles thinking about how I could listen to him go on about anything forever. The look on his face when he talked made his eyebrows furrow and his lips were pouty and God was I in love.

When I'm pulled out of the memory it's to hands wiping tears off my face and everyone reassuring me in hushed tones. What can they really reassure though? I thought maybe, okay Harry has a boyfriend and once I talk to him they can break it off, but that isn't going to happen. Married means this bond is deep, who knows how deep considering I've been away, and it's much harder to break off. 

Harry being married sets off so many alarms in my head, the biggest one was that there was a small child there with them. I push away from everyone hugging me and through my tears I see all of their worried faces. I can't worry about that, though. "Is- is there anything else?" I stutter out. I know I don't want it to be true, but I need to know now. 

Fizzy replies to me, "No. Well, maybe?" She looks around at everyone else to see if she should let go of this piece of information. I look at her with pleading eyes, my heart almost beating out of my chest. "It's just that, Lou they're looking at adoption agencies." 

At this point I'm numb, but I have to know, "Do they already have a kid? I- I saw one at, um, at lunch." I let my voice fade out knowing it's too weak to elaborate anymore anyway. 

The response I get with that question are four furrowed eyebrows before Lottie says, "You mean Gemma's daughter?" My eyes go wide, but I feel a huge puff of air leave my chest. The only good thing to come out of this: Harry isn't a father yet. Yet. "You thought she was Harry's?" She has the nerve to laugh.

"Well it's not like I've been around! And- and you just told me they were looking into adopting, so it's not like I'm far off!" I all but yell. Looking back I'll feel like I had the right to be angry, but in this moment I look down ashamed. "Listen I just, I don't know how long they've been... married, but given the information I was it was my first assumption." I sit back down on the couch, distancing myself a bit from everyone. 

"I'm sorry, Louis. I didn't mean to laugh, it's just, she's five. Of course he didn't adopt only a year after you had left. I'm, uh, I'm not sure if this'll be better for you to know or not, they've been married for almost two years," Lottie explains. I see Mum glaring but all I can think about is the math of it all. It had been about four years after I left. I can see that, I realize, I shouldn't have been so naive to think he would wait for me, hell I didn't know if I was coming back. 

Shaking my head I get up again, wiping my tears as go. I walk up the stairs saying something about needing to get to sleep early, which isn't a lie really because I need a lot of rest every night until I'm fully recovered, or that's what my therapist says. When I get to the top of the stairs and make it into my room I shut the door and stand there. It's bittersweet that my room hasn't changed one bit since I left to live with Harry at 17, Harry being 15 at the time, but we were so sure it would last. What went wrong? 

I go over to the corner of my room and gentle touch the picture hanging on the wall there, like I'm scared it'll disappear if I disturb it too much. It's a picture of me at 18 and Harry at 16. Round cheeks, hair a curly mess, but both of us happy as ever. I sigh letting my hand drop with my heart. I walk back over to my bed getting in once again and covering myself up all the way to my chin as if that'll hide me from the cruel world I've found myself in. I hear the talking, like they're trying to be quiet so I don't know they're talking about me. I can't hear the words, but knowing the subject is enough to make it feel like I'm sinking into my bed, like it could swallow me whole. I shut my eyes and wait for a sleep that doesn't come, and I know the lack of sleep will not help me, but I can't be bothered about that right now. Not with the thoughts swirling around my mind, the pain of the last six years stinging like a cut.


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rapid Fire™ updates for everyone!

The night is quiet once everyone goes to sleep, the wind and my breathing are the only things I hear. I can't turn my brain off all night. The thing is, of course Harry would move on. I should've never expected him to wait because a person like Harry deserves everything in life and for four years I gave him nothing. That doesn't mean that while I was in London I wasn't doing my damn best to be better for him. Everything I did there was for him in one way or another. Washing myself hoping I would someday get to go back, and when I did go back I was going to look my best for him. When I ate, I ate knowing that if I came back I would have to be healthy and living for him. Ha, what a joke. 

I remember the night I left, we were watching the Late Late Show before bed and we were happy, well, I was trying my best to look happy. I had been planning to leave for a week, I had already put it off as long as I could. I smiled and laughed, and it was for the most part real because I knew soon I would have to leave him and I was just happy I could spend that time with him. I wanted to remember his smiling face and his long hair and his bright green eyes for as long as I lived, which at that point I wasn't sure if I was going to. I knew where I was going and I didn't have much faith I would come back.

He looked at me talking about how great it was that James Corden was visiting cancer kids and his eyes shined with happiness for them as well as sadness because "they're just kids, Lou." But I hugged him, I hugged him so tight in hopes of washing any sadness away because that's what you do for people you love. 

We had gone to bed happily talking about how we were going to a birthday party for one of Gemma's friends the next week. Of course I had known I wouldn't be going, but what can you do? He didn't know what to get her and I suggested maybe a basket filled with smaller items which he had turned down as it was unoriginal. 

"Lou," I remember him whispering into the dark, "I love you so much." We were cuddled together while he was drifting off to sleep slowly.

"I love you too. Don't ever forget how much I love you." I was crying while I said it, but he'll never know because he was almost asleep, basically dead to the world in that moment. I bet he wasn't expecting to wake up in the morning and not find me there, or anywhere for that matter. I bet he noticed a lot of my clothes, phone, keys, car, and suitcase gone too. I'm almost definitely sure he had expected me to come home at the end of the day with a weird story about what I had done and why, and when I never came I bet he cried. That's what hurt, knowing he was probably expecting me to return for the first few days maybe even weeks or months, knowing that he probably cried a lot. 

What also hurts is the sun beaming into my eyes through the curtains and finding out I stayed up all night and now it's 8:00 in the morning. I sigh before getting up and stretching, my bones pop and my eyes scan the room for something to wear. I still fit in my clothes here, I knew I must because I had actually lost weight while I was away, so I went to the dresser and got put boxers a sweatshirt and some jeans. I didn't want to put on anything that would show how skinny I was because I knew my family would worry. Though, I'm sure they knew when they hugged me, I'm sure I feel slim.

Walking down stairs to noise and the smell of pancakes hits me harder than it should. I stop in the middle of the stairs because I'm so overwhelmed with waking up near family. I half expected- well I'd actually just rather not think about it. I'll save thinking about everything until my call with the therapist, Dave, this evening. I'm sure he'll be thrilled, as a man payed to study me and monitor my recovery, that I'm slowly sinking and all new problems are popping up. 

I steady my heart, as much as I can, before walking into the kitchen hoping they don't all stop talking and being happy. They don't. I let out a sigh of relief as I greet everyone and they greet me. They seem to have forgotten everything that happened yesterday, but I know they haven't. That doesn't mean I'm not going to go along with pretending though.

"Lou what do you want in your pancakes?" Mum asks over the sound of Fizzy and Lottie arguing. I think it's something about which major is really the best or something. Always competing, just like I remember. 

"Blueberries, please!" I respond quickly. I'm not sure how much I'll be able to eat, but the thought of real food for the first time in six years sounds like heaven. I sit at the table and listen in on my sisters while I wait.

"But without a photography major the fashion industry would be useless!"

"I beg to differ! The fashion industry will always go on because people will always want fashion, we don't need people who use cameras, anyone can do that!" 

The debate keeps going, lively and loud, and before I know it Mum is putting a plate in front of me. "Thanks," I say shoveling a bite into my mouth. As expected, it tastes amazing and I almost groan at how good it is. Also as expected, though, is that with one bite it settles like a rock in my stomach. Even leading up to coming here, while I rested, I hadn't had anything heavy or rich and I hadn't eaten much of what I did have. 

About six considerably large bites later I've had half of my stack, and it's way too much. I feel heavy and gross. I'm about to voice this to my mum when the doorbell rings and she goes to answer it. At the sound of Gemma's voice saying "Is it true?" I turn and empty my stomach into the rubbish bin.


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgot to post this here oops! Sorry!!

Lottie's rubbing my back while throwing a worried look to Fizzy who immediately gets up to go to the front room. I hear mumbled talking somewhere behind the ringing in my ears. Not eating and no sleep will not take a good toll on me. I know soon I'm going to crash hard and I'll need to stay in bed drinking and eating in between periods of rest, but that seems very alluring as I hear footsteps stomping toward me. 

"Fuck. He looks like right shit," I hear Gemma say as Fizzy, who has come back, hands me a paper towel and a glass of water. I wipe my mouth and gargle some water preparing myself to look up. This won't be fun. 

Gemma is still looking me over when I lift my eyes. Lottie and Fizzy stay by me patting my back and sharing slightly scared looks. "So, you're back," is the first thing she says. All I can do is nod and think about how this very well might be my last minute of life. Goodbye cruel world. You've never done a thing for me anyway. "So what, the whore you left him for no good anymore?" Everyone gasps as Gemma stares me down. My brows furrow and I frown. Is that what they thought? They thought I found someone better than him? That there's anyone better than him to begin with? 

I shake my head. "Gemm-" 

"No. Let me guess. He dumped your ass when he realized you were an author going no where in life with shitty novels and no heart." That one stung. She said she liked my stories before. She'd bought my first few. It was her, Harry, and my mom who had given me the courage to keep going with my writing. Tears sting my eyes a little thinking maybe she's right. Maybe it's good Harry has moved on from me because clearly I have nothing to offer him. I look at my hands and mumble out that I didn't cheat. "What? I'm right aren't I?" 

"I never cheated on him I haven't been with anyone for six years," at this point my voice is rising a little. "I never wanted anyone else god damn it, but maybe it's good I left because I wouldn't have wanted to drag him down with my failing career." My voice cracked at the end, but I didn't let that slow my momentum. I stood and went to my room again while they told me to come back and Gemma stands there shocked and that's good, I think, I'm glad she's upset or shocked because I'm upset too with myself and the world. 

Not too long later I'm sitting on my bed looking out my window when I hear a knock at my door. I know who it is already and, though we used to be friends, I can't turn and look at her. 

"I'm sorry, Louis, it's just, you don't know how much you hurt him," she says. 

I sigh, "I know how much leaving hurt me and I can assure you I felt the same amount of pain, maybe even more. I used to think maybe he hurt worse, but he didn't if he got married four years later right? At least there's a silver lining." I shake my head before I look at her. Her face is blank, but I can almost see gears turning in her brain. The only question everyone has for me is "why?" but really I can't tell them. I want to tell Harry first, myself, that hasn't changed even with him being married. I don't need him to hear anything through the grape vine, not when he deserves to know what happened more than anyone.

"You weren't here, you can't say that. The only reason he started dating Zayn was because Liam finally convinced him to go out after four years. Louis, he was miserable, it took a year but finally he was smiling again. So when Zayn proposed, he grasped on to any chance to stay happy again." I think she's going to leave so I can curl up and let her words fill my chest, but then she continues, "The whole time he was engaged he didn't get a wink of sleep, scared Zayn might leave in the middle of the night." With that knife to my chest she walked away without looking back at my eyes and shut my door on her way. 

The night was like I expected: cold, bleak, and sleepless.


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Harry finally comes in and you get some backstory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A day late but!!

"You asshole! You absolute asshole!" Shoes were hitting me at an alarming rate at this point and everyone just looked on. The bad thing about small towns: they're always looking for drama and good gossip. Swat as I may the shoes keep coming and they all hit me. "You shouldn't be here, you should've never come back!" 

"Harry!" Zayn tries to hold his throwing arm back, at least someone has some sense, but Harry just shoves him off and keeps grabbing shoes to throw at me.

I know, so many questions. Let me answer some. Shoes? Yes, a whole shoe store worth really. Harry? Yeah... maybe I should just start from the beginning.

I wake up from my barely asleep five minute nap to look at the alarm clock, it's 6:00 in the bloody morning. I get up, take a wee, go back to bed for a bit. Yadda yadda, I know this isn't where you wanted my story to start from but I can't really start anywhere else because, once the sun rises more and it's 9:00, the Fizzy is up and she's asking me to take her to the shop. That's where this starts really.

"So you're going to the shops?" Mum asks. I just nod and take a sip of my orange juice knowing she's hot more to say to that. "I just, people talk Lou, especially here." 

"I know, but I can't let that keep me inside. My- Niall said I have to get out of the house and if Fizzy wants to go the mall then isn't that the perfect way? I'll have her there." At some point her eyes have gotten wider and I don't realize why until-

"Niall? Who's Niall?" And oh. Yeah. 

"He's uh, he's my therapist." I wait. Silence. Well, in this room. In the room over I hear the TV on and Dan laughing. Fizzy's and Lottie's footsteps sound from upstairs probably getting ready or something, well, going out with me in Fizzy's case. It's not like I don't know what she's thinking, but I don't have a reply for anything she could ask me. Everything she'd ask would have to do with the time away. What do you say to your mum when she asks why you would ever need a therapist. Would you tell her what depressed you? What brought you to the edge of suicide? I close my eyes and tilt my head down. 

I used to be so happy, before this happened. I was the happiest kid ever, my mum likes to say. My eyes were bright and my mouth was always in a smile. I laughed too. I can still laugh and smile, I can be happy too, but it's taken me a while and a therapist to get here and it's still not always real. The one thing I thought would really start to help me and bring me back was Harry. I know now, though, that that's not possible. It will probably never be possible, though I won't except that. I told Niall this on the phone last night and he replied with "That's unhealthy, Lou."  He talked for a while more after that about how to help me, but most involved friends and the only ones I have are my four family members in the house with me. After that it was a really rushed "I have an idea" and hang up in Niall's part, but he's kind of weird sometimes so it's mostly forgotten. Niall can be unprofessional at times, but it's because he likes to be friends with his patients, says the closer he feels to them the better he can try to help them. And so it went that he was my only friend for four years and is now the only one outside of my family because the whole town has turned on me. 

I feel a hand on my shoulder making me open my eyes, but I keep them on the ground. "I'm sorry, you're right, Niall right. If anything happens there, you let me know. Call me." I look up at her and smile, a thanks. 

"Lou look at this shirt!" Fizzy yells running over to me holding an adidas crop top. 

"Funny, where's the rest of it?" I say looking back to my rack. Of course I'm joking but I keep the grin off my face while she scowls before letting it go and chuckling. "I'm kidding. It's cute." She smiles walking away and I continue to look at my rack. 

That is until someone hugs me from behind shouting a loud "Hey Lou!" I scramble to push Niall off of me looking around to make sure no one's looking. Thank God the store is empty. 

"Niall, what the fuck are you doing here?" I ask, and it's not that I'm upset, though later it will become a bit of an inconvenience, it's just that he was in London last I knew, which was last night. I'm actually sort of relieved to have someone who knows what happened and knows everything going on right now, I'm not sure I could handle it if not.

"I'm going to be your friend that isn't a part of your family! I didn't have any clients this week so I'm free to just be here as your friend!" What a lad.

"Well okay, but-" 

"Lou! I bought the top but I need some new shoes so can we head over to Allan's?" She doesn't notice Niall until she's right next to me and she finally asks, "Who are you?" 

"I'm Niall, Lou's friend from London and I'm totally up for Allan's, wherever that is!" Really just a lost puppy. I know it doesn't seem like it but he can be all serious therapist when he needs to be, like in Allan's when we run into Harry.

It starts fine, he's not there when we enter, but Niall's being really close and clingy because 1. He's trying to make me feel better and 2. He's Niall so he's always close and clingy. That really only becomes an issue when your ex walks in. The door jingles and Niall's arm is around my waist and I turn around to find Fizzy before Niall talks me into buying him shoes only to be faced with Harry. My beautiful Harry now with short hair and some other man, Zayn, on his arm. 

"Harry." I say, and it's almost a whisper but then Niall is whipping around and he instantly has his hand on my back to comfort me. Strike two.

"Louis." His eyes are confused and calculating as he stares at Niall and me. I wave with my left hand. That's not strike three, though. Strike three is the wedding band I never take off my finger. Strike three is Harry seeing that and not knowing that it's from before.

See, I had never shown Harry the final wedding bands, he had his engagement ring (a thinner ring with a diamond in it) and I was going to surprise him with our matching wedding bands at the wedding, as you do. Flash forward, though, to me leaving, and I didn't want to leave them. I wanted them because I knew it was all I would have of Harry for who knows how long. So I wear mine all the time, it's basically second skin. Usually people don't notice because I have my sweater sleeves pulled down but lifting my arm to wave my hand makes it kind of visible. 

Queue shoe throwing and Fizzy leaving to call mom and Niall sitting back to look on as a therapist so he could tell me what everything means later. Queue Harry throwing shoes from all of the shelves and Allan not even being mad because "He's fucking married? He deserves it!" 

By the time the police get there, thanks to Fizzy, basically all the shoes are gone and Harry's sobbing and I might be crying a bit too. "Harry." I try to say, but he won't hear it. He's still screaming at me and Niall's still taking notes as Zayn hugs him and tries to get him to calm down. And me, I stand there too. Because what do you do in this situation. Probably not what I did, because I ran out of the store and down a path that lead to the bus station and I bought a ticket going absolutely fucking nowhere.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stuff gets mentioned and leads into the next parts where Larry will actually happen.

“Harry, please.”

“No,” Harry said loud through his crying. 

“I told you I’m sorry!” 

“I needed you to tell me that at least five years ago!” 

“Man.” Someone shook my shoulder. I woke up, startled, and rubbed my eyes.   
“You fell asleep but this is the last stop.” I nodded and stood up trying to remember where this bus was supposed to stop. I got off and found myself in London. I groan as the bus leaves and sit on a bench taking my phone out.

The wind whips around me and I can feel it, but I can't hear it over the sound of busy people hustling around. I can't hear much of anything over the noise, but being here triggers my memories of bad times even though I was just here a couple days ago. When I look up I see the hospital I called my home for six years before quickly looking down, tears in my eyes. 

Don't think.

Don’t think.

My phone goes off then and I welcome the distraction. I answer quickly before anything else can enter my mind. “Hello?”

“Where the hell did ya go, mate?” Niall's voice crackles into my ear. 

“Bus. London. Fell asleep,” I mumble out. I don't want to think about London anymore but beaming here makes it hard to ignore.

I hear a sigh before mumbling and I know he's with my family telling them that I'm okay. I hear walking too and I get ready for Therapist Niall. “You went back to London?” he questions, and yeah, Niall is great at his job really. 

“I didn't know. I just bought a random ticket and fell asleep on the bus. Niall I'm right outside of it.” Knowing he’ll get it I don't elaborate and get up because people are starting to gather for the next bus. My eyes roam the familiar city. I really only know this side of it because my room had a window faced this way. My stomach grumbles but every other part of me isn't hungry, I'm sick. I feel sick and I'm sick of feeling sick. I was sick for six years I want to feel better. I wipe tears from my eyes and keep walking. Who knows where I'll end up.

“Lou you need to come back. It's probably not healthy for you to be there.” As if I don't know it.

“Yeah, I know. Niall, what happened when I left?” 

Silence.

This is the silence you get when you ask a question you don't want the answer to. Apparently I don't want to know, but I do because maybe I just hate myself that much. “Harry, he umm, he came at me after. That guy, I'm assuming he’s Zayn? He calmed him down after a while. I have notes. I want you to be here with me when I talk to you.” 

“I'll come home. I'll be back in like three hours. I need to catch the next bus,” I said looking around where I had ended up. I would have to walk about two blocks back to the bus and I didn't even know if it was already gone. Another three hours to think about everything I'd rather not think about.

*******

“Lay it on me, Horan.”

Once I got home I grabbed Niall off the couch and dragged him up stairs to my room before my family could ask questions. 

“Well for one you still don't know how to handle your stress. I mean you ran out of there as fast as you tried to run from your second chemo session.” I know he can tell by my cringe that that stung. He knew I didn't like speaking about that stuff, but I knew he liked to bring it up so I could try to deal with it.

“Yeah yeah,” I brush off, “could you read Harry, though?” 

“Louis, I don't know Harry like I know you, I can't just read him. Do you think I read minds?” Niall chuckles a bit. I try not to pout too much but Niall's laugh tells me I'm not doing so great. “Listen, obviously I know you still love him, and that must have hurt, but why run? Why not stay so that if he calmed down you could talk?” 

“Niall, again, you can read me you must know this.” I almost roll my eyes at how annoying this is.

“You know how this works, Louis. I ask questions even if I know the answer so that you can talk about them and feel better about the answer. We've been doing this for a while, Lou.” I look up at him and he smiles sadly. I hug my knees and close my eyes. 

“Because if he calmed down, in Zayn’s arms, I was scared he would tell me he didn't want me. And he'd mean it,” I force myself to say. My real fear revealed. I always knew Harry was a little out of my league. His body is nicer, his eyes are brighter, but he chose me. He wanted to be with me, and I loved it. Now, because I was gone, he's found someone who truest deserves him. I'm not ready for him to tell me, to acknowledge, that I'm not good enough and he doesn't want me anymore. I close my eyes again as I feel tears coming. Listening to the wind outside and Niall's pen lightly scratching the paper. Maybe if I just listen to all of the noises around me I can fall away. 

Except I don't fall away and the next thing I know I'm at a bar trying to get drunk with Niall next to me trying to get me to leave. But I don't leave and my bad decisions have consequences. Like running into Zayn and Harry. And this time, I don't run, but man do I wish I had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Larry will be here in the next two to three chaps. Promise. Yay!!


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plot gets kick started and Louis and Niall get into shit.

Who knows if fate is real honestly. I mean, hell, I thought Harry and I were meant to be and look how that panned out. Do you know the worst part of seeing someone you would do anything for move on? It's when you see how not broken they are about it. Here I am, getting absolutely smashed to push away the hurt, and there he is, dancing like earlier today he was not throwing shoes at me.

Nice to see all it takes to make him get over me is Zayn and maybe a few drinks. Very nice. Now, you have to understand how I'm feeling for the next part of this. I'm suffering. I'm hurt. I had come home expecting for him to be mad, yes, but still wanting me. Hope was still in me. Maybe not after seeing him and after his sister talked to me, but after earlier today? See I had thought his outburst meant he's still into me and he was just upset, so I had hope once again. I've come to hate hope. Hope destroys people, you see. So, to reiterate, I'm hopeful, hurt, and so deeply in love with Harry. 

Next part you have to understand is that I've had four shots of tequila and three other fruity drinks.

I get a little dizzy when I look up, but then I see Harry and it's like everything is blurry except for him. He's so pretty. Beautiful really. Love him. I stare at him for a bit more lost in my thoughts about how amazing he looks before I hop off the bar stool. Niall's head shoots up from where it had been buried in his arm and he stutters out, “Lou, where are you going?”

“Azzy. Wanna see ‘im.” I keep staggering toward his dancing form before Niall tugs me back. I let out an upset grunt before pulling back to get my arm. Dizzy again.

“Lou, you can't go over to him. Do you really want to ruin his night?” He asks. And no. I don't. I don't want to ruin Harry anymore than I already have, or did considering he looks much better now. When I look back, though, I see Zayn is the one dancing with him and everything goes a little read around the edges. I roughly tug my arm back and march over zig zagging through a big crowd of people in hopes Niall won't find me. 

As soon as he sees me his smile drops a little, but Zayn is there to squeeze his arm and smile reassuringly at him, so there's that. 

Honestly I'm about to scream about the fact that he can't be okay while I'm dying inside (ha I mean it's not applicable now but they were together while I was in the hospital so) when Harry says something instead, “I'm sorry about today, Louis. It was a bit uncalled for.” I blink a few times and my mouth is open, but eventually I manage to nod. He smiles a bit more, though it doesn't reach his eyes, “You guys look cute together and I'm sure he's a great guy, you have good taste I’m sure.” He chuckles a bit at the end and I feel my lips quirk up before falling again because, okay wow he's talking about Niall. And he's fine with it? 

Just wait, it gets better. You see it was at that time Niall decided to show up, which is perfect timing if you ask me. This is the part where you kind of need to understand what's going through my mind because I know it doesn't seem logical: I sling my arm around Niall's shoulder and say, and I quote, “Yeah, guess I do. You too, you seem happy together.” I'm such a fucking idiot. Niall, God bless him, just smiles because I'm sure he thinks I'm being civil. Maybe my arm is on him because I need support.

That's not a wrong assumption when I see Harry's smile falter a bit, his eyes look a bit glassy too, but Harry wanted to go into theatre. Through that look on his face, completely fake, he gets out a very convincible reply, “Yeah. Zayn and I have been together for a while.” 

I'm not actually sure if Harry is happy with Zayn saying this because his mask is like a second skin at this point, but Zayn butts in with, “Married even! Looking to adopt soon.” I swear it's like he's smirking, like he's smug. Maybe he is, he's won hasn't he? I certainly feel like I've lost. 

I can never thank God enough for Niall because, “That's cool, but we have to head out. Lou and I were going to have a Spider-Man movie marathon.” It's good that he knows my favorite movies because it makes my lie seem more real, but it's bad because I remember Spider-Man movie marathons with Harry and I'm sure Harry can too because he lets his smile go almost all the way off his face. His jaw clenches too. 

“Yeah he loves those, some things don't change,” he spits out. I feel it cut me a little deep because perhaps he's trying to say ‘Hey you did the exact same shit with me now you're with this asshole.’ “Well, Lou,” well damn, “guess we’ll probably see you around at some point. Hope married life treats you well.” And that, that was definitely filled with venom. They walk away hand in hand after that and Niall looks to me with furrowed eyebrows. 

“Married life?” I shake my head and tug him out of the bar and to my house. The walk there is full of me stumbling and Niall mumbling complaints. I'm still not really sober or else I would notice people looking at us like we’re some zoo animals. Maybe we are in this hateful town. I would have also heard the trees. Their whispering mocks me as I trudge down the streets. These streets I used to call my own now a stage for my acts of stupidity. These are the same streets that saw me make the biggest mistake of my life, though I’m not actually sure it was a mistake, now seeing me make stupid, cowardly, drunken decisions. 

When we sit on my bed and he raises his eyebrows I heave out a sigh. “Niall James Horan, will you marry me?” I try to joke, but his face looks like he might not get it. 

“What the fuck do ya mean, mate?” 

“Well, I mean not really, but I might need you to pretend?” I sound unsure, but I am. So very unsure about everything.

“What the hell do you mean? What the fuck happened while I was gone?” He looks very confused and shocked, but he isn't turning it down.

“It's just,” I pause trying to find the words that won't make me sound crazy, “Harry thought we were married. He looked so happy and moved on with Zayn, I couldn't tell him he's wrong, Niall. How pathetic would I look to him, who is moved on and happy, if he finds out I was lying about that and you're actually my therapist? Niall, you have to help me!” I hide my face in my hands and let tears slip down my cheeks as I feel Niall soothingly rub my back. 

“Lou, we can do this, if you need to. I'll help you with this, as a friend, but as your therapist I need to advise you that this isn't healthy for you.” 

“I know I know!” I sob, “I just need to make him think I'm okay then maybe we could divorce and he can think I'm not okay for a reason other than him.” At this point I'm not sure if my drunken babbling is making sense, but Niall seems to get it. He nods and rubs my back and we spend the night talking about how if we’re going to pull this off we are going to need to fool my family too. It's this night I decide fate is probably a little bit real if it was good enough to bring me Niall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow this plot is actually going somewhere! I have an idea for another story too and I'm pretty excited about that! It's called Build A Boyfriend and I haven't written much for it yet but if I start it it'll be updated every Wednesday or Thursday. Haven't thought that far ahead yet. That's it for now!


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are explained. Louis has a better plan.

My heart feels heavy as I push food around my plate. If I mash the French toast maybe it’ll look like I ate it. Niall won’t be fooled, he’s watching, and cataloging I’m sure, my every move. I nod mindlessly to whatever my mom says and then there’s nothing. There is no sound, and at my house, that’s worrying. 

“Mum, you alright?” Lottie asks, but she doesn’t get an answer. That’s when I look up to see what’s going on and my heart finally feels like it’s gotten too heavy to hold in my chest. The plan worked. 

“Is- is there anything you want to tell me, Louis?” It’s scared, like she can’t believe it, and also firm, she’s going to be angry I’m sure. 

I look down at my left hand that I left placed out on the table for once, showing off my ring. I glance at Niall from under my fringe who has been conspicuously eating with his left hand, as lefty’s do. “What do you mean?” I ask, innocence lacing my voice, though I know I’m guilty.

“I mean, young man, that you and your therapist seem to be wearing wedding bands that look a whole lot like the ones you bought for you and Harry.”

Niall’s eyes widen a bit, but I can see him trying to stay calm. My sisters have their eyes narrowed on me as my eyes close looking down at my plate. Those memories seem so far away from me that I had completely forgot that she had been there to help me pick out the wedding bands. I swallow the lump in my throat forcing out, “We, umm, I didn’t have the money to buy new ones, so-“

“How did you know you would need to bring them when you just left?” Lottie chimes in, being ever so helpful. My eyes glance to the window, outside it’s snowing. It looks light and fluffy, man would I love to suffocate myself in it. 

“I just brought them incase I needed to sell them off.”

“Then why didn’t you, sell them off I mean?” Fizzy questions.

“I-“

“I can’t believe you, Lou. We know, it’s obvious you were cheating on Harry and went off to marry Niall!” Mum spits the words like they’re fire on her tongue. I let my head fall and close my eyes again as I feel tears well up. 

Warily I agree, because that’s the only option at this point, "I- I’m sorry.” I feel Niall’s hands on my back and shoulder as he guides me out of the room and upstairs. I can feel my family’s loathing from my bedroom even with the door shut. We sit there for a while. Niall rubs my back while I sob, fat tears rolling down my cheeks. I can’t breathe properly with the amount of crying I’m doing so I try to take deep breaths, but that makes me choke on my tears. 

“Lou, you could have said no.” Niall’s words are gentle like he’s trying to sooth me. He is trying to sooth you, you’re pathetic. 

“H-ow?” I cough out. I couldn’t see another way, I don’t think they would have believed anything even if I had a story.

There’s silence before his answer, “I don’t know, but this will somehow get to Harry I’m sure and I know you don’t want him to hurt more.” 

Niall’s so considerate it hurts a bit that I’ve created this image of him in my families heads. This image of me.

I sigh and wipe my eyes because, “I can cry at night, I don’t want to waste both of our days with my sadness.”   
Niall replies with a chuckle and, “that’s my job description, Louis.”

When we get downstairs I ask to talk to my mum and the girls in private as they’re the ones who now know the “truth”. 

“I know it’s terrible, but you guys can’t say anything. I- I don’t want to hurt Harry.” When I look up they’re frowning, but not glaring. 

——————

Later that day I tell Niall to go explore, wanting to be left alone, but not wanting to be alone, I pull on a hoodie and go to a local coffee shop. Once I get my tea I sit at a table and look out the window. People pass by, but thank God no one notices me. Mum and the girls had said they wouldn’t tell anyone, and I trust them, but I’m not sure it won’t somehow get out. This is, after all, a small town where people are already whispering and pointing at the married man who left Harry Styles six years ago. 

Ha.

Six years ago I wouldn’t have believed you if you had told me this is how things would turn out, but I guess that’s how life works. Stuff gets thrown at you and you deal with it. It’s really not my fault life threw about a dozen bloody wrenches in my fucking bloody path. I sigh again leaning back to sip more of my tea. 

Cancer isn’t a word you want to hear at your check up. It was only supposed to be a check up. Then they had to do tests. 

“What kind of tests?” I had asked.

“Some things look a little weird we just want to be able to write off any problems.”

Only, they found many problems, the cause of these problems being a brain tumor. It was later that week I got a phone call saying I would be transferred to a hospital in London for radiation and chemo. It was a few days later that I left. I had decided when I found out to not tell Harry. It was pretty serious and I didn’t know how he would take it or if i’d even come out of it alive. He didn’t need to be on that ride, he didn’t deserve that. No one did. So I did it alone, though the hospital gave me Niall, and I still don’t regret it. Not through the lies or anything. 

It’s crazy, I’m sure. Niall spent three of our sessions just asking why. Why do this alone? Why wouldn’t you want your family to know and be here for you? 

I didn’t want them to suffer with me, and suffer I did. I suffered through chemo and radiation, the sickness that came with it, the loss of my basic functions for a while as it got worse, but then it got better. The doctors were amazed, but they had always said, “In this line of work, when something good happens, it’s always a miracle, and a miracle it was. Was fine about a year ago, no more tumor, but Niall hadn’t discharged me yet, so I stayed for another year working on “myself”, as Niall put it, and in that time recovered as well. My hair grew back, it had always grown fast, my sickness started to get better, I felt kind of like myself again, and I could go back to Harry. 

Only that’s where the story got tricky. Life decided it was time for another wrench. 

I’m startled out of my thoughts by none other than Harry Styles (I still don’t know Zayn’s last name and I really don’t want to). He looks at me for a while with no emotion. A blank face, thinking and calculating.

“How long?” 

“How long what, Harry?” My voice is gentle, but also strained from the tears I don’t let out.

He waits a beat before looking at the table and trying again, “How long have you and Niall been married?”

Okay, this isn’t how I thought this would go. I lick my lips looking past his shoulder. 

“Going on two years. You and Zayn?”

“The same.” 

And it’s quiet again. We don’t talk, but we also don’t look at each other. It’s not terrible, I decide. It kind of makes me feel like me again. Sitting near Harry and not being hostile almost makes me forget about Niall and Zayn and cancer, makes me think the weight on my ring finger is me and Harry together forever. 

“Harry-“ I star just as he says “Louis-“ We stop but he nods at me so I take a breath before, “I don’t want to fight. I- I only- I didn’t want to hurt you, when I did what I did. I never wanted to hurt you.” And at least that’s the truth. He leaves out that he only wants Harry to be happy because it’s only partially true, he doesn’t want him with Zayn, but there’s nothing he can do. Harry wouldn’t want him anymore. His damaged broken self that sometimes he can’t even handle, no one would want this, let alone someone as amazing as Harry. 

“You did the exact opposite, Louis,” he whispers. We make eye contact and I smile sadly and filled with self-deprecation.

“I know, Harry. And I’m sorry. I truly am.” 

It’s quiet again, but for a shorter time before, “Zayn and I are going to talk to an adoption agency next week.” 

My heart crumbles and I can’t think. This is what it feels like to have your heart ripped out, I’m sure. I shake my head and get out of my chair. I hear Harry talking, but I’m walking out of the coffee place and back to my house. The gravel beneath my feet cheers me on as I make the only right decision I’ve thought of in six years. I get out and call Niall on the way, “I want a divorce.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeet yeet. I don't know how much longer this will be, but I have a plan for it so there's that. It's going to get better, fluffier, happier (tho Louis will hurt sometimes). For the most part I see Louis getting better from this plan because he'll feel more at home acting normal with Harry. Don't tell me this isn't how people deal with stress or PTSD because all of that stuff is different for different people and for Louis his family and Harry are what help him feel better. Anyway, ttyl :)


End file.
